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TOPIC: Joke Thread - all G-Rated please.

Two women were sitting in a bar. 3 months 4 weeks ago #1323

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Two women were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one looks at the other and says, 'I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland.

The other woman responds proudly, 'Yes, I sure am!

The first one says, 'So am I! And where about in Ireland are ya from?'

The other woman answers, 'I'm from Dublin, I am.'

The first one responds, 'So, am I!! And what street did you live on in Dublin ?'

The other woman says, 'A lovely little area. It was in the west end. I lived on Warbury Street in the old central part of town.'

The first one says, 'Faith, and it's a small world. So did I! So did I! And what school did ya go to?'

The other woman answers, 'Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of course.'

The first one gets really excited and says, 'And so did I! Tell me, what year did you graduate?'

The other woman answers, 'Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964.'

The first woman exclaims! 'The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight! Can you believe it? I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 me self!'

About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.

Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael shaking his head and mutters, 'It's going to be a long night tonight.'

Michael asks, 'Why do you say that, Brian?'

Brian answers, 'The Murphy twins are drunk again!'
I want to die like my Grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep.
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
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Two women were sitting in a bar. 3 months 4 weeks ago #1324

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A very rich and generous Spaniard kept his fortune in gold loaded up in huge trucks.

When the civil war broke out he and the trucks headed up the mountains to his hideout retreat.

Enroute a massive earthquake struck and blocked the roads with wide and deep and impassable crevices.

Rather than let the rebels capture all the gold the Spaniard dumped everything into the crevices.

At his funeral he was praised for all his positive attributes but many said that he was generous to a fault.

George Dill
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Joke Thread - all G-Rated please. 3 months 3 weeks ago #1325

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The Vatican's vegetable gardens were being decimated by a strange ant. Just a single insect would locate the yummies then scurry off to the main forces then unerringly direct the colony to the vegetables.

When asked for advice the pope said, "Let us pray for guidance."

George Dill
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How do you know when it is time to hang up the car keys? 3 months 3 weeks ago #1328

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When your dog has this look on his face!


dog.jpg
I want to die like my Grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep.
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
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Joke Thread - all G-Rated please. 1 month 1 week ago #1452

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From Swedespeed...
universityvolvoOSD;2391226 wrote:
So this gorgeous blonds is cruising in her red C70. She is doing @ 85mph and gets pulled by a female police officer, who is also a blonde.
The blonde officer asks to see the blonde drivers registration and license. So the driver starts digging around in her purse to find her license.
As she digs around she gets progressively more aggravated. She finally asks the officer "What does it look like?"
The officer replies as she rolls her eyes, "It is a small rectangle and has your picture on it".
The driver finally finds a small rectangle mirror, looks at it and says "here it is".
The blonde cop looks at and says" You can go, I didn't realize you were a cop"

George Dill
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